omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
