..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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