you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
