were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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