next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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