Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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