you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
