Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
