He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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