Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize