it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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