I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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