If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
