Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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