He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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