He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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