Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
