girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
