Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to sanitize my soul.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
