i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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