very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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