Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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