Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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