Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize