to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
