Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
