something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
