it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
