Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

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(210): View more from Texas

Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks

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(914): View more from New York

What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I intend to get homeless drunk

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(815): View more from Illinois

you thought your balls were fighting each other...

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(727): View more from Florida

And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity

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(706): View more from Georgia

Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving

(706): View more from Georgia

Your blankets are not drunk friendly

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless

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(815): View more from Illinois

You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.

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