she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
