Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
