Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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