i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
