my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Holy shit dude........stairs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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