ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
