This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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