Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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