I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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