You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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