I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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