Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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