so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
