I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
