In the future we'll all be gay
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got inside last night via doggy door
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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