just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
