Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
