i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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