It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
