You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
