god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
