i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
