I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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