p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
