I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
