I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
