I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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