Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
