Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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