We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
