her vagine was all disorganized.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
