This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
