so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Randomize
